I have not blogged in quite some time, and with good reason…my life has been total chaos. The last time I was one here, I was attending school in Florida and getting ready to head to Kansas to visit Laura for spring break. Well spring break was so much fun, I really had a great time. As for the school part? Let me sum it up for you…I was kicked out of my uptight religious school along with 11 other students. The reasons were stupid, and although it still sucks I am quite glad to be out of there. I had a hard time dealing with all of that plus a lot of guy drama crap that I just don’t want to get into. (And if you know me when I go through something hard I change my hair…I’m sort of blonde now)

Now I am back in California and heading down to Lake Elsinore in San Diego County to live for the summer. I have a deadline of Monday to move, needless to say my room is a jumble of boxes and clothing scattered on the floor. I have limited myself to 3 boxes for this move and a suitcase. So far so good.

Whenever you move people want to see you before you go, the issue is fitting everyone in. Tomorrow I am spending the day with my sister and nephew; I bought some finger paints as a fun activity for him and I (he is now 2, this should be messy). Thursday my mother wants to attend a local play with me and grab some dinner before, Friday is grandparents day…I decided to cook for them that night since their idea of a healthy dinner is ordering pizza. I’m still trying to keep time free here and there for last minute packing and loading up…. other than all that I am ready to go!

When I am home I am the family psychologist, I have one cousin asking me to raise her child and another asking me for advice on his possibly pregnant girlfriend. When I am home I am forced into a religious routine that I am not comfortable with. When I am home I am stressed beyond all belief…its time to find a new place.

So that is what I will do, come fall I plan on being somewhere new, and to take the time to focus on who I am and what I really want out of life. I plan on taking a night course or two and work a bit as I figure pieces of my life out.

My mother entered Keyser Hospital in Sacramento; she had set a time and date to go to the hospital so she was prepared for this. The doctor greeted her with a smile “Ready for that baby Mrs.Bremer?”

February 17^th 1988 at 9:17pm I was born.

It has been 22 years that I have been blessed to be on this earth. I have reflected back on a lot of things in my life, how I have changed and grown from my experiences over time.

In my moms belly, I kicked and moved so much that they were sure I was going to be a boy, apparently I was to impatient and ready to get out. When they knew they were having a girl they toyed with several names for me, Laura Mary (after my dad’s mom), Careen, and Merrill before settling on Amanda Rose.

I can remember certain distinct moments in my life; I wont share them all for lack of writing space and to save on time.

I am currently the baby in my family, though I wasn’t for a short while. My mother was pregnant once again when I was about 4 years old. I remember the baby being a boy and how excited I was to be a big sister. I cant remember my parents prepping me, or telling me I was going to be a big sister, I don’t remember the baby gifts, or feeling my mom’s belly…the only thing I can remember is my mother and father walking in the house after they rushed her to the hospital. My sister and I were waiting anxiously by the door. My mom walked in arms empty and went straight to her room, her eyes were swollen and red…they had lost the baby…it was a stillbirth.

I remember living with my grandparents for a time when we were looking for a place to live. They have a large portion of land and a pond as well, needless to say I loved every minute of it…living with your grandparents is every child’s wish. My grandma use to buy me goldfish and an ice-cream cone of rock road when we would spend the day together. I had one fish in particular that was my very first pet. I believe I named it Goldie Nugget (sounds like a stripper), but being 5 I loved that fish. One day my dad came in and told me he accidentally sucked my fish’s head into the tube when he was cleaning out its bowl. I was devastated so much that my grandpa who works with wood made a small coffin and we had a burial at sea (the pond) for Goldie Nugget that day. (sort of funny when I look back on it)

I remember running errands with my mom and dad when my sister and I were young. Aladdin had just come into theatres and we were dieing to see it. Dad pulled into the movie theatre and we grew very excited in the back seat of the van. “I just need to use the pay phone,” my dad said to us, but he had a smirk on his face…and my sister and I knew what was coming next “well since we are here we might as well go see a movie”

I guess birthdays make you reflect on your life, on all the memories. I have so much more I could share, but I will save it for another time. I’m happy with who I have become, and I am so grateful to be on this earth.

(Me at my 4th Birthday Party)

(My sister Amy and I)